This is part three of a deep dive into the five love languages and how they might look slightly different for neurodivergent people.

Today, I want to discuss physical touch as a love language. The most common expression of which would be hugs or hand holding. However, people who are strong in this love language would probably also appreciate a back or foot massage, or even just a gentle touch on the arm during a conversation.

Scratch all that if the person you are relating to is neurodivergent. Many neurodivergent people don’t actually enjoy physical touch, as it can conflict with sensory issues. There is also the circumstance that I discussed yesterday to consider: the neurodivergent person is often less likely to form strong enough bonds with a great many people, which means that a hug or pat on the back could potentially be very uncomfortable, regardless of whether or not this love language is a priority. I, personally have the saying “the people I’m comfortable with hugging know who they are, so if you don’t know if it’s you, assume that it isn’t.”

That being said, if we do happen to find a person that we are comfortable displaying physical affection with, the optimal expression would likely not be a gentle side hug. It would be a massive, bone-crushing bear hug. The effect here would be similar to a weighted blanket. Many neurodivergent people (though, of course, not all. We are not a monolith) appreciate deep pressure, as it sometimes feels like our souls are too big for our bodies and so having someone to crush them back in (and in fact, this neurodivergent love language has come to be known as “please crush my soul back into my body”) could be very enjoyable. But as with anything, make sure you have consent first. As previously stated, not everyone likes this, and there is a potential to conflict with tactile sensitivities.