I tried this one in one of my social media groups for neurodivergent people, and they really seemed to like it, so I’m taking it here to the blog.

Someone brought up the question of whether life is really harder as a neurodivergent person and wanted to know our opinions. The consensus overall was yes, it is harder. This society we live in is catered to the neurotypical person, so it would make sense that someone who has a different brain, a brain that has alternative (or sometimes no) priorities, one that cannot stay focused on something if that thing does not interest them– to the point where it can cause physical anguish to have to participate in that thing. Yes, that does make it more difficult.

And on top of that, most neurotypical people really don’t understand how or why life is more difficult for someone with ADHD, autism, and/or a number of other neurodivergences. Because– as with being right-handed, it isn’t something they have to consider.

In childhood, we have a developmental belief that everyone lives the same way that we live. Up to a certain age, if a child lives in a one-story single-family home, they’re inclined to believe that all families live this way, and may be surprised to find that their friend lives in an apartment. If they have siblings, they would be more inclined to believe that all children have siblings, and may be surprised to realize that there are, in fact, people who don’t. And that’s a normal developmental stage.

Of course, as we get older, we begin to understand that not everyone lives the way that we do, but many times, that only includes the things that are visible. We sometimes, even as adults, have a hard time grasping the idea that someone may struggle in ways that we never would.

I compared the difficulty navigating through this world as a neurodivergent person to being left-handed. I think that neurotypical people do have at least a basic understanding at this point that people with some form of neurodivergence are going to have lives that are different, just as a right-handed person would understand that things will be different for a left-handed person. But I have come to find that most, if not all, right-handed people do not understand the degree to which that really makes left-handed people’s lives inconvenient and just more difficult to navigate.

At some point, I noticed that I am practically ambidextrous and there are even some things that I can do almost as well with my right hand as I can with my left, for example, write with a pencil, and play bass guitar, and in fact, I imagine I’m much better playing bass right-handed, seeing as that’s the way I learned.

A left-handed person has to make a lot of compromises just to get through the day because so many things in this world are created with right-handed people in mind. From scissors and notebooks to doors and can openers (people are always surprised when I mention that can openers are a right-handed tool). And so we are forced to become somewhat right-handed ourselves in order to compensate for this world not being made for us.

On the other hand (pun not intended) my husband is extremely right-handed to the point where he sometimes forgets his left hand exists. Because he is allowed to. Because scissors, notebooks, doors, can openers, and practically everything else was made specifically to be accessible to him– and the majority of other people in this world– the right-handed folks.

I feel that this is a good analogy for what it’s like to be neurodivergent. It is much easier and more convenient to navigate this world as a neurotypical person because our society caters to that type of brain. It is much more difficult for a neurodivergent person to not only get through life trying to do all the things a neurotypical person would, but it is difficult to get a neurotypical person to understand the degree to which that impacts our lives because they don’t have the same types of struggles, and when they do, it’s not to the same degree.

It is very frustrating for me to ask for guidance with things that I need, such as help figuring out how to fill out applications or help with cleaning my house and be met with “well, you’re an adult, you should know how to do that.” “You’re just being lazy.” or other phrases such as these which cut deep and smash our self-esteem, often ending up traumatizing us to the point where we ask ourselves for the rest of our lives why we “can’t just behave like a normal person.”

I sometimes wonder if my grandmother ever questioned why her handwriting was never quite up to par, being somewhat unreadable, as she was forced to switch to being right-handed as a little girl. But it didn’t come naturally to her, because she was left-handed. Much in the way that polite small talk with appropriate eye contact may not come naturally to many of us.

Yet we continue to soldier on. Because this world may not have been created with us in mind, but we still have to live here.