I hope your Easter was fantastic. Ours was small and quiet, but nice. There were eggs to hunt for, pretty dresses to wear, and an awesome steak dinner that my husband grilled.

Ever since COVID, it has been difficult to find the drive to do anything really special. I feel like doing little other than sitting inside my house except to run the occasional errand or walk the dog has really taken a toll on my mentality. This year, we didn’t even color our own eggs. We bought prefilled plastic ones and instead of putting them into the stereotypical plastic grass-filled Easter basket, my kids put them into paper lunch sacks. I did briefly consider an art project where we would at least decorate the paper bags first before we went out to do the egg hunt but ultimately decided against it.

I have the heart to be that mom that does all of the crafts on Pinterest and the cute little holiday projects, and there have been times when I’ve tried. But to be honest, trying to do those things gives me a complete sense of dysphoria. It took me a long time to figure out why.

One of the reasons there is such difficulty with ADHD in paying attention to things is that our ability to pay attention depends largely on how much dopamine our brains are being fed as a result of doing something. That’s why we can hyper-fixate on things like playing video games or watching a movie but have a difficult time keeping up with daily chores or reading long sections of text.

It seems weird to say that a craft project I do with my children would not lead to an increase in dopamine for me because I love my kids and I love arts and crafts. I mean all of my kids have baby blankets and winter hats and scarves knitted by me, as do a lot of my friends and family. Not to mention I worked my way through college at a well-known Arts and Crafts store. Seems like doing those kinds of projects with my kids would go hand in hand.

That’s when the ultimate day ruiner– expectation– steps in. Pinterest makes everything look easy and beautiful and makes me feel like today is the day my kids are going to listen and follow instructions and the house will clean itself. Of course, that isn’t going to be the case. I’m going to spend a lot of energy trying to gather supplies, keep my kids focused, trying to get them to follow instructions, and the dopamine payoff when the project is complete is just not enough to compensate for what I spent working up to it.

I am reminded of my favorite professor and personal hero and mentor, Dr. Thomas E. Bruce (retired in 2012). I am often reminded of him when I’m going through something difficult. He taught specialized classes in Psychology and many of us psychology students took everything he offered just because he was the one offering it. He was a profound man and clearly meant for teaching. I learned a lot from him, but one of the most important things I learned was that you get a lot more out of life if you look at it as a series of journeys rather than a series of destinations. If I’m appreciating what happens on the way to the destination, then I’m not placing all of my expectation eggs in the same Easter basket. Even further, it will help to relieve me of having those expectations of my end result at all, as I would be less concerned with the end product and more concerned with trying to have a good time in the moment.

Because what I really want is not the doing the craft projects part. It’s not the Pinterest perfect holiday art that I desire, it’s the part where I spend time creating memories with my kids. The project we end up with is just a nice side benefit. Even if it doesn’t turn out the way we expected.