I don’t know if it’s more due to my anxiety or my ADHD since they tend to feed off of each other, but for some reason, I have incredible, crippling self-doubt which really goes into effect right around the time I try posting these blogs.

I’m really excited about what I do. I don’t make any money off of this blog, I just do this for fun. I do it because I like to research, write, and share the information I have gathered. Someday, maybe I will find a way to make money off of what I write, but for now, I do it for the sheer enjoyment that I find in blogging. But it gets really discouraging when I look at the statistics and see that my average views are about five a day. Granted, that’s about an eighty percent increase from months prior when I wasn’t writing anything at all, but it’s frustrating because I wrote something and I want people to read it. A few people do, of course, people I share the blog with and the occasional stray click from a web browser, but the buck pretty much stops there.

I constantly tell myself that of course, of COURSE, no one has caught on yet. I have only been back in the saddle for not quite a month yet, and if I had stuck with it during the end of my pregnancy with Kyrie and the first year of her life, it’s possible I would have generated more interest than just the five consistent readers by now and that I should never expect anything to happen instantaneously because a lot of people put a lot of time and effort into their endeavors to accomplish what they’ve got and I’m still at the beginning.

I try to convince myself of that, but then that doubt kicks in and reminds me that I’ve never been popular. That’s just the way of things for a girl with ADHD and anxiety so bad that she sometimes has difficulty talking to her own family members, let alone the people of the internet. I guess that’s why writing fits me so well. I don’t have to talk, and I don’t have to come up with something to say right away when, and if, I am responded to.

No, I have never been popular, but I have been well liked by the people who know me. And I guess that’s the more important thing. Because a person can be popular and hated. Perhaps it’s better to be admired by a small group of people than despised by many.

But I’d still like more people to read my blog.